The Angry Man of Magic - To the left. To the left

Why?

Because you have no rights! Not because I'm writing this from North Korea - where copyright law are as genuine as Olympic tickets for the men's wheelchair triple jump - but because those secrets that we hold so dear can not be protected under law. It's a set of instructions, and as such can not be secured. (It's the same for recipes, BTW.) You can protect the expression of the idea, but not the idea itself. If you didn't hear me first time, let me just repeat this for the hard of thinking : you can protect the expression of the trick, but not the trick itself.

But magicians (on magic forums, notably) still want to claims to have rights to tricks, and to discuss these points ad infinitum.

Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

The law governing the copyright in this area has not changed for many, many, years. Do you think it'll change because Dai Vernon showed you a double undercut in the lift, and told you that only you may perform it? Why are you citing a case of magician A asserting their "rights" over a trick that was settled out of court? It was settled out of court because magician A has a bigger war chest than magician B. No rights were exchanged, and none were proven. Stop using it to prove a point, as the only point it proves is that you're up inside yourself like a set of matryoshka dolls.

Phrases like "the only one allowed to perform this trick" are meaningless.

If you create an effect the only right you have are moral rights. They are asserted with kind words and loaded guns. Share the uniqueness of your work with the community, so anyone copying looks like the pale imitation they are. If you're buying an effect, buy only from the creator (or their agents) to keep your moral compass true. Don't encourage the immoral releases. But as a creator, accept the law as it stands and stop whining - or start training and work to change it.

In short...

If you want to protect the method - patent it, and hope it's original. (yeah, right!)
If you want to protect the presentation - copyright the script, choreography, or whatever it is you do.
If you want to protect the trick - I have some snake oil to sell you...

The Angry Man of Magic - Self-workers : an apology

When I was starting in magic, I did a lot of self-working tricks. Unfortunately, most of the self-working tricks I did were the same ones that everyone else did. And 50 years previously. So there's no buggering Uncle, PEdo teacher, or big brother, that didn't know how it was done. Yes, I probably did the 21 card trick, I don't remember. And I probably did some spelling deals. But I also did others with stacks that I thought no one else had heard of.

But they had.

So for the first few years I equated self-working to bad.

Later on, I discovered a lot of other (truly wondrous) effects, like OOTW and Gemini Twins. These are tricks that I still perform regularly. They are masterpieces of our art, and I feel should be studied and performed by everyone wanting to progress. In fact, I'd like every snotty-nosed XCM worker to be forced into presenting (i.e. not showing off) these effects in a way that doesn't involve the phrase "check this move - totally sick, blud". To my mind, no longer is self-working equated to bad.

But when I hear some magicians talking about them, why is the comment "self-worker" always preceded with the words "it's ONLY a"? And always followed with the emphasized rendition of "BUT".

Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

Self-working is not an apology! So stop apologizing for it!

By saying it's self-working isn't like saying "I ran over your dog, BUT he's no longer in pain". Self-worker is the method, not the presentation. The effect on the audience is same regardless. Have some respect for the art and what it can do. Even I managed to do it...

The Angry Man of Magic - Concentrating on the presentation.

There are two broad strokes to learning my magic - the method, and the presentation. The method is the bit in which most of us are interested. Learning the sleights and being able to show the exposed view to our friends at the magic club is the closest to a circle jerk we've had since high school. It's hidden, and it's enjoyable.

Then there's the presentation. A cool and effective delivery. Strong patter lines, interspersed with relevant humor (not random jokes ripped from other acts, or the Internet). It all makes something with which an audience can engage.

To be an effective entertainer, I need to be able to do both. Blindfold. At the same time. Without mistakes. In fact, if something outside of my control causes a mistake, I must be capable of resolving the mistakes. Blindfold. At the same time. Without further mistakes.

So why do tricks insist in telling me the method is so easy I can "concentrate on the presentation"

Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

Magicians need to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time. If I can't perform the sleights required by the routine, I should not be doing it. Period. No one should. Practice not until you can do it right, but until you can't do it wrong, as they say. You must be able to commit each move, turn, block, and misdirection to muscle memory and handle it as smoothly as if you aren't doing a move. Or turn. Or block. Or misdirection.

If the trick has simple sleights, say so. But the Google translate function inside my head just replaces "concentrate on the presentation" with "there's no incentive to practice this, so you will mess up and look as stupid as an amoebic dysentery diet plan.

Maybe the other interpretation is "you'll be performing this right out of the box". This actually means, "you won't bother even writing a script, so you can concentrate on ad-libbing incoherent verbal durchfall during the presentation". And since, unless you're Bill Malone, ad-libbed presentations consist of a running commentary of the moves; so don't be surprised if I don't concentrate on your presentation.

The Angry Man of Magic - What I want for Christmas

No magic.

End of.

Christmas is a time for having the family to stay. But other than that, it's quite nice! I don't want to ruin it with the regular disappointment of opening a new trick and getting yet another piece of IT, shoddy instructions, and an ill-fitting thumb tip. I certainly don't want to fake my disappointment in front of you, my gift-buying famdamily, as you try and work out why you spent $30 on me to get a kids novelty.

Nor, do I want to be a performing monkey for the family. Or have the "we've bought you a trick - now show it to us, then tell us how it's done" look thrust in my direction.

Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

Do you think I have such little respect for my art that:

1. I can learn, practice, routine, a perfect a trick while we're all sat together in the living room on Christmas day, stoked on cheap brandy, and gas station end-of-line chocolates?
2. I want to spend Christmas working on such a routine?
3. I would tell you the method, anyway?

Seriously - those that ask for tricks at Christmas have a 30 second attention span, lasting from the time the shining paper is witness, and ending around the realization that the box is, in fact, socks. Again. Plus, I know your grabbing hands will tear the instructions from my hands before I can devour them.

Anyway, who's the present for? Is it for me to consume at my leisure, at a time of my choosing? Of course not. You bought it for your selfish self, to get a little cheap (!?!) entertainment before the James Bond film comes on the telly. The only time it's accepted to buy someone else a present, that you get enjoyment from, is when it's a sexy nurse outfit, and I'm buying it. For your girlfriend!

The Angry Man of Magic - The middle lane magician

I got into magic seriously when I was in my 20's. That quite late by most accounts, but I don't care. I feel it has added a maturity to my character, and a depth to my understanding of the art. I'm happy to talk with the youngsters about the latest and greatest gimmicks; although I'm old enough to realize they're only adaptations of older principles... and their latest 1-trick DVD was a throw-away routine in a book from 30 years ago. However, the conversation doesn't always last very long, since they think I'm too long in the tooth because I haven't bought the latest XYZ on pre-release from Jay Sankey. Alas, I am spurned.

I'm also happy to talk with the elder statesmen of our art; those who worked alongside Canasta and have shunned technology since Gutenberg. Each day they pray for the death of the internet, and still haven't learned to work their DVD player. However, the conversation doesn't last very long, since I'm too young to have the original 1954 edition of a tome so dusty that it falls foul of health and safety, or that I learned a sleight from a DVD, instead of the original in the (now out of print) hyper-expensive collectors edition lecture notes that exist in a singularity within another universes time-space continuum. Alas, I am spurned.

Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

Am I such an objectionable person that no one wants to talk to me? Er no - because it's not just the conversation.

The youngsters haven't learned enough manners to wait in the queue without pushing, barging, or giving frat-boy aggravation. The oldsters haven't learned that age doesn't grant you the right to push to the front of the queue. Although maybe it should, perhaps they're so old they might die in the next 12 seconds if they don't get to the front. They have, after, got to pass comment on how Slydini did it. And better. And that they taught him.

The youngsters haven't learned that - I not knowing the name of a new sleight - doesn't mean I'm stupid. The oldsters haven't learned that I not knowing the name of an old sleight doesn't mean I'm stupid. They're probably the same sleight, anyway. And the only way I'll know this is if magicians gave proper crediting throughout (which they often don't), and I have read the exact same set of books that they have (which I almost never have.)

The youngsters haven't learned that the magical inheritance isn't theirs yet; they haven't earned it, there's lots of people in the bequeathal queue before them; particularly if it's not a self-working card trick from Ellusionist. The oldsters haven't learned their magical legacy is out of their sleight-weary, wrinkled, old hands. Magic moves on. They no longer own it. It's time they realized.

I'm beginning to come to terms with this. I am a "middle lane magician". It's just like driving a car where everyone on the road seems like an idiot - those going faster than you are un-safe idiots. Those going slowly are retarded, plodding, idiots. Except in this case, I'm not sure which are the youngsters, and which are the oldsters.

The Angry Man of Magic - Stop Thief!

My colleague has recently had a problem with theft. Of material. But not in the way you might instantly think. This is theft of props... at a gig... by the punters... punters who are expecting to be entertained with a few pieces of laminated cardboard and a rubber band, but will now suffer another card trick because one of their klepto klunt friends has walked off with the props.

Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

What exactly did this reincarnation of Forrest Gump's more stupid brother think he was stealing? This isn't the 'piece of cardboard to million dollar pot of gold' transformation that we've all thought suitable to bring to the working mans club. Nor is it something that can be resold on ebay for beer money. It's worthless to you, and everyone else.

Can you imagine the advert?

“Plez l@@k - mega magick trick!!! no idea how it works becuz I didnt' steel the instructions but sure YOU can work it out yourselfs. LOL. thanx for lucking” (all spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors are likely to be real, since he's the sort of person who puts the 'retard' into 'illiterate.')

In fact, to anyone other than a magician his haul is pointless. So why do it? Would you hang around the back doors at a rock gig, and nick Robert Plant's guitar if he turned his back to talk with another fan? (Actually, don't answer that - it was meant to be a proverbial question, but I realize I've just given you another business plan in your next 24-hour day release.)

We don't even have any money to pay a ransom. Was that your plan, Mr. Thief? Instead of pirating material from teh interwebs, are you on an exchange program from Somali and though that magic was the game to be in?

What Rainman doesn't even realize is that it isn't just the cost of the props. Sometimes it'll have a sentimental value (our personal prototype, or a gifted trick); or represent a great deal of time in manufacture or easing the product in until it's usable; or that we have to make rush purchases to get a replacement for tomorrows gig which is a 50 km drive north... while the only magic shop is 50 km drive south.

Hate. Hate them all.

The Angry Man of Magic - Bill of goods

One of my magical pipe dreams is to receive a bill of goods with my purchases. Not just a scrappy compliments slip with the cost of each trick I've bought, but a breakdown showing where the money goes within each trick. For example:

Zip-lock bag : $0.05
Booklet : $1.20
Gimmick : $3
Secret : $27
Tax,P&P,random markup : $5.75
Total: $40

It seems reasonable. My monosyllabic mechanic does it, even, separately listing the cost of labor and parts - such as indicator fluid, long weight, and diesel spark plugs - so I know I haven't been ripped off. So why can't my magic emporium? Oh, that's right, I remember - it's so they can charge me FULL PRICE for replacing a $3 gimmick.

Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

First off, I'm not buying a secret - I'm buying a product. If part of the product involves a secret, then it's fair enough to pay for it. Once. You can not justify charging me $27 for something I already have. It's knowledge. Half the word 'knowledge' is 'know'; and since I already know it, why are you trying to re-sell it to me?

Tell you what - let me buy the gimmick on its own, and I'll even send you a couple of bucks for postage. I'll even pay $1.20 for the mis-aligned photocopy you have the cheek to call instructions, and a quarter to pay for the land-fill un-friendly non-biodegradable plastic bag, that I also have no need for. At least then you can send me exactly the same physical product, and won't feel compelled to charge me another $10 for handling a special order.

You see, I'm not an unreasonable man. I will pay for something I already have (like instructions and gimmicks) because I understand that the physical cost of the materials needs to be met. But paying again for a chimera is wrong.

Oh, and the next time I hear the "the trick is sold when the secret is told" you will have proven my point, and put a monetary value on the secret component of the trick. At which point I will non-proverbially bitch slap you, and expect replacement gimmicks at a reasonable cost.

Plus $2 P&P.